In A Song
by weasleywheezes
Summary: Willow is torn between her love for Tara and her lingering feelings for Oz.


In a Song  
  
by weasleywheezes  
  
DISCLAIMER: I am not affiliated with Mutant Enemy, WB or UPN, or anything having to do with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.   
  
SPECIAL THANKS TO: satanslut, my friend and fellow Buffy fan, for putting the bug in my ear!  
  
~~  
  
They drove the bus towards Los Angeles, where they all went their separate ways. Buffy, Dawn, and Xander hopped a plane to Hawaii ("I'm not entering any surf contests wearing my lucky Tiki god" Xander quipped.). Giles ran off for British Columbia. Faith and the other Slayers stayed in the City of Angels. Willow took a Greyhound bus to the first place she thought of – Wisconsin.  
  
It was a lonely trip. Willow sat nervously as she thought about the last three years of her life. Everything she had ever known had fallen away. The core of the Scooby gang was still there, but even that dynamic had changed. It pained her to think about the friends, and the lover, she had lost. The one potential Slayer had taken an interest in her, but it was too soon. The scent of Tara's skin was still in her nostrils, the taste of Tara's kiss fresh in her mouth. She didn't know how much more she could take. All she knew for certain was that she had to get away, to start a new life, and she had to do it now.  
  
She stepped off the bus in the middle of downtown Madison. She found a youth hostel, where she was given a cot and a hot meal. She looked for a place to stay right away, and a job to pay for it all. Willow picked up the free paper and looked over the classifieds. Willow smiled. A roommate wanted ad caught her eye. The goddesses were smiling down on her after all:   
  
WANTED: Gay M seeks Wicca-friendly F for sharing room. Split utilities and rent. No smoking. Call Dane.  
  
She called the number in the ad and hesitantly waited for Dane to answer. A few seconds passed by, but Willow felt as though she had been standing with her ear pressed to the receiver for hours. Finally, she heard the rustle of someone picking up the phone and a sharp inhale of breath. A husky male voice answered.  
  
"Osborne residence."  
  
Willow froze. He sounded so familiar to her, and the name…Osborne…  
  
"Hello?"  
  
She found her voice and somehow was able to move her lips. "I-is d-d-d-Dane there? Please?"  
  
"This is Dane." On second thought, he sounded like a goose.  
  
"Hi. I'm calling in regards to your roommate ad? Is it still available?"  
  
"Yeah. I've had that ad in for a month, but no one has answered it."  
  
"Well, I'm new in town," Willow said uneasily. "I was wondering if I could maybe look at your place? A little, maybe?"  
  
Dane took another deep breath. Maybe he's asthmatic, Willow thought to herself. "Yeah. Are you familiar with the area yet?" he asked.  
  
"No. I only got into town yesterday evening."  
  
"I can pick you up. Let me know where you're at and I'll be there in an hour."  
  
Willow gave him the street name of the youth hostel. She waited outside on the front stoop, then she began pacing back and forth. A junky Chevy Blazer littered with occultist bumper stickers pulled up to the curb. A short blond boy jumped out of the truck. He was wearing a dark blue shirt with a green pentagram silk screened on the front.  
  
"Hi. Are you…"  
  
"Willow. Willow Rosenberg." She shook his hand.  
  
"Dane Osborne, nice to meet you. So, you're new here? What brings you to Mad Town?" He helped Willow into the front seat.  
  
She laughed cautiously, and braced herself for any other questions that Dane might throw her way. "Oh, I just wanted to try something new."  
  
"Where are you from, Willow?"  
  
"California," she said. "Are you from Madison, Dane?" She changed the subject quickly.  
  
He smiled. "Yep. Born and raised here. My parents are from Seattle. My favorite band does a song about a girl named Willow. I didn't think it was that common of a name."  
  
The color drained from Willow's face. "It's not that common. Uh, what band?"  
  
Dane jerked on the steering wheel and slammed his hand. "Dammit! I hate this truck! Oh, you were saying?"  
  
"Your favorite band."  
  
"Yeah…oh, well, the band's called Rose Colored Rosaries."  
  
"Rosaries," Willow repeated, then breathed a sigh of relief. "I had a… a friend once. He played electric guitar in a band. They were good."  
  
"The guys have just left town, so you can't meet them. Buddy's left, too."  
  
"Buddy?"  
  
"Yeah, that's my cousin. Buddy's the leader of the band."  
  
Willow smiled. It wasn't him after all, she thought. "Maybe we can see them next time they are in town?"  
  
The truck pulled up to the curb. Willow saw a large, beautiful Victorian home. Dane held his hand out to help her down. "Well, here it is. Home sweet home."  
  
Willow felt warm inside. It was a charming house, and she was sure that she and Dane would get along well. "I love it. I'll take it."  
  
~~  
  
Six months had passed. There were nights when she felt asleep and dreamed that Tara had returned to her. Tara, beautiful Tara, her hair shining in the starlight, her smile warming Willow's cold heart, her kisses that tasted like peppermint. Willow would wake up wet with tears, sobbing into her pillow. The damage was still so fresh.  
  
One evening, after casting spells with the local Wiccan community, Willow retreated to her room and looked through her photo album. Willow enjoyed the camaraderie of the circle, but she missed Buffy and Xander terribly. She gave a mental narration to each picture she found.  
  
"Here, Buffy, Xander and me are getting ready for Halloween. I remember that year. Cordelia was a cat. Meow… Oh, and here's when me and Tara bought that Gypsy book of magick. It was so magicky. That was a great day."  
  
She turned the page and came across a picture of Oz. She was sitting on his lap. Those were happy, carefree days. She loved him so much. She thought she loved him so much, but then she met Tara and knew what love was. Or at least she thought she did.  
  
Willow had never been so confused. She missed Tara; her heart ached for her lost lover's tender touch, but she missed Oz, too. She missed the funny way he would look at her when she said something silly. She missed the endless conversations about computer theory that they used to have, the life she led before she was enlightened to the way the world really was and the way she really was.  
  
She was a lesbian. When she thought about lovers, she thought about the soft curves of a woman. She thought about Tara. But maybe she was a lesbian who could love a man, too, because she couldn't keep the thought of Oz out of her mind.  
  
She wept bitter tears. He had come back for her, she remembered. He had gone through the hardest thing in his life and returned only for her. He still loved her and he wanted her back in his world, but she rejected him. It was the hardest thing she had ever done. The hurt in Oz's eyes were like daggers to her soul. A few nights of sobbing cleared her mind of the nagging questions that remained. She had Tara, and Tara was all she needed.  
  
Soon, Tara wasn't enough for her. She started abusing the magicks. Tara left her, and then on the cusp of their renewing their relationship, a day of beautiful lovemaking, and a stray bullet took her away from Willow.  
  
When Willow came back from the dark side, she thought about all that happened. Would she have ever become a magick junkie if she were still with Oz? Would Tara still be alive if Willow wouldn't have rejected Oz? Did she have feelings for Oz at all?  
  
She roused herself back to reality. Oz's faded smile still seemed to haunt Willow, more than Tara's horrible death ever would.  
  
~~  
  
Rose Colored Rosaries was going to be playing the Annex, and Dane was able to get a ticket for Willow. "You're going to love them, Will. Buddy seems to be able to make you think his songs are all about you. He's really popular here."  
  
Dane pulled out his favorite Rose Colored Rosaries CD and played his favorite track, the song he told Willow about on the first day they met. The plaintive wail of the lead guitar seemed to echo through the house, and the soft voice of the female singer began to whisper the lyrics:  
  
I know I've hurt you more than you could say/I know I can't get back what I've thrown away/I did it all for you/All the pain that I went through/But now we're a little older/If you need to cry on my shoulders/I'll be waiting here all night/I need you in my life/Oh, Willow.  
  
She held back the tears. Whoever wrote this song had been through something serious. Something like conquering lycanthropy, she thought, then she shook her head. It's not Oz, she reminded herself. The female singer's voice began to get louder:  
  
Don't you understand?/I can't be a better man/I can only be what I am/My Willow.  
  
Willow didn't realize she was sobbing until she felt the tears splash on her trembling hands. Dane rushed to her side with a Kleenex. "Are you all right, Will?"  
  
"Sure, fine. I was just remembering someone I used to know."  
  
Dane gave her another tissue. "I told you. This song makes everyone who hears it cry. Don't feel bad."  
  
Willow sniffed and smiled. "I'll be fine. Let me just go get freshened up and then we can go out for some foody type thing."  
  
"You won't be sorry, Will. The Rosaries are great! And they are playing with some other band, too, but I can't remember their name."  
  
Willow knew that she was opening old wounds and pouring salt in them. Oz wasn't Buddy, and he never would be. She cleared her throat, wiped her face, pulled her hair back into a sloppy ponytail and slipped on a nice velvet shirt.  
  
Willow and Dane walked through the crowded restaurant, hoping the crush of rowdy students searching for tables wouldn't jostle their arms. The two finally found a booth and sat down.  
  
Dane crammed a handful of fries into his mouth. "You'd better eat up quick, Will. Your food's gonna get cold."  
  
Willow picked through her gyro and ate her tomatoes and the yogurt sauce on the pita. "I don't know if I'm all that hungry."  
  
"It'll be okay. Buddy's gonna be thrilled when he meets you. Then you can ask him who the Willow in the song is, since I don't know."  
  
Willow laughed warily. "Yeah, ask him about the Willow, hehe."  
  
The pair walked to the Annex and stood in line with the giddy college students, most of whom were wearing pink t-shirts and gaudy plastic rosary beads as necklaces. Willow felt a little out of place. When they entered the club, the opening act, Space Coyotes, were already screaming their lyrics to a drunk and raucous crowd.  
  
Thirty painful minutes later, Willow and Dane were standing near the front of the stage, waiting for Buddy and his band to appear. One by one, they began to filter onto the stage. The drummer, bassist, and keyboardist all came to the stage, then came a tall, very handsome dark haired man holding a Gibson guitar with a Union Jack pick guard on it. Dane began to hop up and down excitedly. "That's Buddy!"  
  
"He's pretty cute, Dane." Willow smiled, relieved that her worst nightmare did not come true.  
  
The lead singer, a pretty, petite brunette named Genesis, was wearing an artfully ripped t-shirt and leather pants. She took the stage and began to caress the microphone. "Get on your knees and pray," she moaned.  
  
For almost an hour, Rose Colored Rosaries played their way through punk, metal, and a few cover songs. The band took a breather and introduced themselves, then announced they would play the last song. The throng began to chant loudly, "Willow! Willow!" The band began to softly play "Weeping Willow" and the crowd started to sing along.  
  
Oh can't you see/You'd be better off with me/But you can't and that's okay/So I'd better go away…  
  
The tears began to flow, and Willow wept alongside the other drunk, crying girls singing off key.  
  
Baby, don't you cry/I'm just an unlucky guy/But I hope you always know/That you will always be my Willow.  
  
The crowd roared its approval, and the band waved goodnight. Buddy pulled Dane and Willow onto the stage and pushed them toward the back.  
  
"Hey, Dane!" the tall, good-looking man exclaimed. "I thought you were batting for the other team, dude."  
  
"I am. This is my roommate, Willow."  
  
"Whoa! Willow. That's weird. I'm Buddy." He extended his hand. She took it gingerly.  
  
"Hi. Um, can I ask you a question?" Willow bit her bottom lip. She was a bundle of nervous energy.  
  
"Sure!" Buddy said through a roast beef sandwich. "Ask anything. A friend of Dane's is a friend of mine."  
  
"Why did you choose the name Willow?"  
  
Buddy took a swig of milk to wash his sandwich down. The little white droplets dribbled down his chin. "Oh, I didn't write that song."  
  
"Well, who did?"  
  
Genesis was walking by and overheard the conversation. "I can answer that. It was the lead guitarist of A Dingo Ate My Kid. We went out to the West Coast a year ago and ended up stealing the song from him."  
  
Willow felt as though a truck had broadsided her. "Dingoes Ate My Baby?"  
  
"Yeah, that's it. They broke up, though, over the chick in the song. The lead guitarist ran off. Last I heard, dude was in hiding."  
  
"In hiding?" Willow whispered.  
  
"Yeah! Whoever this Willow was, she must've been some evil ass bitch. Breaking up a band like that and nearly causing that poor guy to die."  
  
Willow's head jerked toward Genesis. "Oz almost died?"  
  
"You know Oz from Dingoes Ate My Baby?" Buddy asked. "Cool!"  
  
Genesis daintily nibbled on a chicken salad croissant. "Well, sorta. He was climbing a mountain or something and fell off of it, almost broke his back. They asked him why he was doing all these crazy stunts."  
  
Buddy interrupted his band mate. "And he said, 'I've lost her. It's no good.' Isn't that sad? He must have really loved her."  
  
"And I still think she was a crazy ass slut."  
  
Buddy suddenly had a serious look on his face. "Wait a minute. You know Oz, Oz wrote a song about Willow, and your name is Willow."  
  
Genesis gulped. "Sorry. I didn't know you were the whore."  
  
"Oh, well, I'm not the…well, really," Willow stuttered. "Oz and I were friends a long time ago. Maybe he just liked my name? Heehee?"  
  
Dane took hold of her shoulder. "You should have told me that you were the Willow!"  
  
"How was I supposed to know? You said it was Buddy's song!" Willow hissed.  
  
"You could have looked at the CD case or something!"  
  
Willow grabbed Genesis by the shoulder. "Do you know where Oz is now?"  
  
"Yeah. He's in New York, working on his music. Are you going to go break up his new band now?" Genesis asked flippantly.  
  
Willow shook her head and ran out of the room. Dane called after her, "Will! Wait!"  
  
~~  
  
That night, Willow rarely slept, and when she did, she had terrible nightmares. All she could see was Oz taking risks, in an attempt to grab a cheap thrill. It was all her fault. Tara was dead. Oz's spirit had died, and she was still alive, still being as selfish as she had been when she skinned Jonathan alive and got high off of magick.  
  
The thought of Oz suffering made her sick to her stomach, but what could she do about it? Would he want to see her again? Would it just aggravate his pain? Did he still suffer from his werewolf side, or did he let it go wild again? There was so much Willow wanted to know, so much she was afraid to find out. She remembered the last time she had seen Oz. Sitting in his van, talking about how she had waited for him, how things had changed, but that she would always be a part of him and vice versa.  
  
How the hell could Buffy deal with her first great love always making a guest starring appearance in her life? Why was it so easy for Buffy to get over people so soon? First Angel, then Riley, then Spike, each one as disposable as the last? Angel seemed to be the one constant – a love between them that would never die. Willow wondered if she and Oz were destined to be the same way. She thought Tara was her one great love, but now she was having second thoughts. Maybe she had not chosen wisely? It wouldn't be the first time.  
  
She had gotten in touch with Xander by searching the Internet. He had given his best friend the phone number of the apartment that he, the Slayer, and her sister were staying. Willow swallowed her fear and picked up the phone.  
  
"Hello? Dawnie? It's…it's Willow. Is your sister there?"  
  
For two hours, Willow and Buffy talked as if it were old times. The two friends laughed and cried together. Buffy told Willow the incredible news that Dawn and Xander had fallen in love and were going to be married in the fall. The witch shrieked with joy and amazement. The Slayer, on the other hand, knew that there was something wrong with her friend.  
  
"Hey, Will…what's up? I know it's been a while since I've talked to you, but there's something going on, isn't there?"  
  
The veil of normalcy torn away, Willow wept in agony as she told Buffy the tumult of emotions she felt. "How do you do it, Buffy?"  
  
Buffy ached to hold Willow, to dry her best friend's tears. "Will, all I can say is that love is a bitch. I love Angel, that's true; but I can't go running back to him. Too much has changed in our lives. You have to dig deep inside yourself and ask yourself, 'Is Oz what I really want?'"  
  
"But I've already done that, and I ended up with Tara!"  
  
"I don't know what to tell you. It sounds like Oz still loves you. You just have to find it in your heart."  
  
Willow hung up the phone and cried late into the night.  
  
~~  
  
A pleasant voice echoed through the airport. "Flight 438, Milwaukee to New York, now boarding."  
  
Willow grabbed her backpack. She gave Dane a little kiss on the cheek. "Oz and I…we have history. I've got to see if I can't get that back."  
  
Dane hugged his friend. "I'm really going to miss you, Willow. You sure you wanna do this?"  
  
Willow smiled. The fear that she had been feeling seemed to melt away. She knew, once and for all, she would find out if Oz really was her heart's chosen companion. Finally, her soul would find peace. Her eyes glistened with tears of joy.  
  
"Yeah. I've never been more sure." 


End file.
